Just a Minute: July 2013

I've been back at work for a month now. I'm enjoying being back for the most part, but coming up with a work/home life balance is next to impossible. I suspect that if you ever hear someone say they've got it down, then it's probably the husband of a woman going to bed at midnight each night, getting up at the crack of dawn, and eating the crackers she found at the bottom of her purse for lunch.

reading...Bring Up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel. I thought it was great (many others did too, as it won a host of prestigious awards like the Man Booker Prize). It spans the period during Henry VIII's reign where he was married to Ann Boleyn, "the Great Pretender," and then looking to Thomas Cromwell to arrange a way out of the marriage so he can marry Jane Seymour. I really enjoyed Cromwell as the narrator, a man who is normally portrayed as a bad guy. Here he was very likable (apparently he's even more likable in the first book in the series, Wolf Hall, which I didn't read first). I haven't read Wolf Hall yet, but didn't need to for this book to be good.

listening...My current favorite song, Walking Blind by Aiden Hawken, has been running nonstop through my head this week.

Photo by Melissa Mai, friend of bride and wedding DJ

celebrating...I have a new Brother-in-Law! As of last weekend, my sister-in-law, Jenny, married her new hubby, Brandon, in a lovely and very personal outdoor wedding ceremony at a winery in Michigan. Among the items on the registry, the couple requested a kit of 20 essential Nintendo accessories in their wedding accent color (purple).

Photo by Ben Dearnley, Taste.com

cooking…I've been planning to make a Apricot Crostata for a couple weeks now. It's going to happen this week for sure though. Love the crostata because I don't have to have a pretty crust edge. I can rock the rustic look.

Finding a Balance

My soon-to-be brother-in-law shared this blog post on Facebook the other day, and as I am newly back to work post maternity leave, I found this section particularly meaningful.

And in that moment it suddenly dawned on me what was taking me down. We (myself included) admire the obsessively dedicated. At work we hail the person for whom science and teaching is above all else, who forgets to eat and drink while working feverishly on getting the right answer, who is always there to have dinner and discussion with eager undergrads. At home we admire the parent who sacrificed everything for the sake of a better life for their children, even at great personal expense. The best scientists. The best parents. Anything less is not giving it your best.

And then I had an even more depressing epiphany. That in such a world I was destined to suck at both.

Needless to say it took a lot of time, and a lot of tears, for me to dig myself out of that hole. And when I finally did, it came in the form of another epiphany. That what I can do, is try to be the best whole person that I can be. And that is *not* a compromise. That *is* me giving it my very best. I’m pretty sure that the best scientists by the above definition are not in the running for most dedicated parent or most supportive spouse, and vice versa. And I’m not interested in either of those one-sided lives. I am obsessively dedicated to being the best whole person I can be. It is possible that my best whole is not good enough for Harvard, or for my marriage; I have to accept that both may choose to find someone else who is a better fit. But even if I don’t rank amongst the best junior faculty list, or the best spouses list, I am sure there is a place in the world where I can bring value.

Because frankly, my best whole person is pretty damn good.

I've been struggling with that first epiphany too. In trying to be everything to everyone, I am going to suck so much at overachieving at it all. Thank goodness there's someone out there like Radhika Nagpal speaking up. I know I'm still going to shed a lot of tears on this in the coming months and even years, but at least I know I'm not alone in the struggle. I just need to be the best whole person I can be and know that it's enough.
 

Hello/Goodbye Neighbor

We are close with a number of neighbors who now love Eleanor nearly as much as we do. The bookshelf in her room is decorated with things given to her from various neighbors. She has an antique stork figurine from one, a Japanese doll from another, and rainbow beads from her "uncles." She's so lucky to have them all in her life.

Recently our 94-year-old neighbor, Kathleen, moved to Vegas to live with her daughter. She told Eleanor how sad she was that she wouldn't get to see her grow. It broke my heart a little. Her family is selling her building, so Nathan, Sarah (our summer nanny), and I have been cleaning and cleaning and cleaning to take care of all the things her kids left (such as a refrigerator FULL of perishable food)!? Nathan's even pulling up the carpeting that's been there since the '60's at least.

Maybe a third of the jars she had stored in her cabinets.
This is a full size trash can.

Emptying the huge pantry, we've found some ancient canned goods, a nearly antique box of Club crackers (1986), and lots of really fun items that I will post about later. Kathleen was in the Japanese internment camps here during WWII, so she is very frugal and careful with her things as a result. She is the ultimate recycler, keeping everything to use again and again from the netting from her onions to toilet paper rolls and EVERY instant coffee glass jar she'd ever bought.

It certainly teaches me two lessons, one about how she was able to live happily with things that were decades old, not feeling the need for lots of material possessions (I'm not sure how long that lesson will stick though-sorry Nathan). And the other about weeding out your belongings periodically so you aren't one day pulling 15 bags of dried mushrooms so old they're nearly dust out of boxes in your pantry.

A Song for My Daughter

This one brings tears to my eyes every time I play it (and I've been playing it practically nonstop). Eleanor remains unimpressed by it so far.

Just a Minute: June 2013

After a (ok, not so) brief hiatus, I've returned! And here's what I've been doing this past month, during my last month of maternity leave.

Cover image from Amazon

reading...I read Hunting and Gathering for my book club. It was my sister-in-law's pick, and I loved it. I cannot recommend it enough. It's just a bit quirky and one of those books that the word lovely was made for. Finding Nouf was my pick for our next book club read. We haven't discussed it yet, but I liked it. A short mystery set in Saudi Arabia, it was not your average whodunnit and the peek into Arabic life was interesting, but the book is far from deep or meaningful.

watching...Catching up on my Dexter, True Blood, and 
Game of Thrones before I head back to work. I will miss my quiet laundry folding time (while Eleanor naps) interspersed with diving toward the remote to lower the volume due to a suddenly violent scene when I'm back in the office. I knew there was some sort of shocker at the end of Game of Thrones Season 3 so I spent the entire 8 episodes trying not to like any of the characters very much so as to limit my devastation. I think it helped a little, but it was still pretty awful.

Cover image from Amazon

listening...Our girl loves her music. She seems to especially enjoy my favorites: Of Monsters and Men, Florence + the Machine, Mumford & Sons, fun., and Freelance Whales. Lucky me! Although I imagine Nathan thinks she especially likes his favorites which are more in the electronic music category. Guess we're just going to have a musically eclectic kid.

 

sewing...Eleanor's morning naps mean that I finally
have time to myself. Poor thing hasn't herself benefited from my recent sewing, but sooner or later I will get around to making her a dress. I've spent most of my sewing time making baby gifts for my friends...man, this is certainly the year of the baby!

Photo via Saveur by Todd Coleman

cooking…I've been cooking sometimes, though my favorite meal these days is one that Nathan made. The marinade and salsa in this recipe are fabulous on skirt steak but equally delicious on any kind of steak. So, so, so good. We've had it three times already since he discovered the recipe.

Clever Little Time Waster

Something clever and fun I discovered via one of my favorite blogs, How About Orange...

Recently, The New York Times developed an algorithm that automatically detects haikus within the paper's front page articles. A computer scans each article in search of them and then they choose the most delightful ones to publish daily at Times Haiku.

This one just rung out to me as some sort of real life truism, though I'm not entirely sure what it would translate to mean. Perhaps something like sometimes it takes a big effort to find a place to fit in. Any better suggestions?

Parenthood

It's a pretty heavy thing being wholly responsible for the life of a human being. You literally hold that little baby's life in your hands (and never do I feel that more than when I'm holding my slippery wet baby over our bathroom's marble floors-I can vividly picture the awfulness of dropping her there.)
  

At three in the morning I never disliked something as wholeheartedly as my crying baby...only to feel overwhelmed with such an intense love for her a mere three hours later. In the beginning, Nathan asked me a number of times why anyone would ever have a second child. "I will never forget this," he vowed, as she lay shrieking inconsolably in his lap. It's really hard to be a parent. No one tells you that until you're already knocked up; clearly it's a conspiracy.

But now she smiles at us. Big, wide gaping mouth smiles that make her already chubby cheeks puff out as she gurgles a hello to her daddy when he arrives home from work. And I can literally see him forgetting. Everyone tells us that as soon as we begin to feel like we have this parenting thing figured out, when we've developed a routine, that's when everything changes again, so we're just waiting for hell to break out again.

Now I count success as a day with only one incident of spit-up on my shirt, only one outfit change (hers or mine), and 2 hours of freedom while she naps. We're sleeping mostly through the night, breastfeeding is as easy as such an odd thing can be (I am attaching a human to my chest where she gets her entire nutrients from my nipples, a body part that until now has been basically decorative.), and she spends her waking moments staring, wide-eyed and awed, at everything around her.

She can almost hold herself in a seated position, nearly roll herself over, and almost laughs at peek-a-boo, and now I have to leave her. Someone expects me to be able to head back to work and actually work instead of wondering if she misses me as much as I miss her. Someone expects me to be okay with pumping milk into sterile bottles every weekday for the next 10 months instead of cuddling my snuggly daughter as she eats.

But, as awful as all that sounds, I'm actually looking forward to being back at work, to talking to adults other than my husband, to eating lunch with the use of both hands and no need to shovel everything in before my daughter starts to cry, and to being appreciated for my mind rather than feeling like I've lost it as I make up ridiculous words to "Splish Splash I was taking a bath."

It seems that ever since I went off to college, being an adult has meant being torn in half, never being entirely satisfied where I am. In college that meant that I was homesick at school and missing friends and my freedom when I was at home. After college, it meant the word "home" referred to my childhood home and to my apartment. And since having a baby, I look forward to returning to work nearly as much as I am dreading it.

Things I Would Never Have Dreamed

Before having a baby, there are a number of things that I would have assured you I would never allow to happen. Then I had a baby and realized that all bets are off.

I never would have thought I'd

But she's pretty sure she'll NEVER
do any of these things.

Say that 26 hours of labor was honestly not that bad. Boring, definitely, but not as bad as it sounds. I would even (no joke!) do it again.

Seriously contemplate sending out a picture of my boob to in-laws, family, and friends. (But she looks so adorable when she breastfeeds! I haven't actually done it, but I've been tempted, which is horrifying enough).

Go without ANY makeup in public.

Go out in public with vomit on my shirt (in multiple places).

And, in the same vein...Laugh as someone vomits down my cleavage.

Cheer every time someone burps, poos, or toots. (After many nights of intestinal distress, you too would cheer when your child FINALLY lets them rip.)

Consider an uninterrupted four hours of sleep "a full night's sleep."

Witness yet another reason Nathan gets attention from strangers. He's already had perfect strangers walk up to him on the street and say that he and his daughter are "so cute." Sigh. No one tells me that we're adorable when I'm out with her.

Feel the need to avoid putting mustard on my food. I just can't do it. It looks scarily like what we find in our newborn's diaper after each change.

Guess What I Did in April?

On April 15, at 2:19 PM (after 26 hours of labor--I'm so going to use this in our future arguments, Ellie) Eleanor Sinclair McArdle joined our family!

Needless to say, due to lack of sleep and general fogginess, I will likely not be updating the blog for awhile. Hopefully once she's on a bit of a sleep schedule I might start regaining my brainpower and general clever remarks, but I'm not counting on it (the regaining what brain I've lost AND the sleeping normally soon).

Just a Minute: March 2013

I'm remembering these later and later each month. I would not be surprised it I skip April's all together (not that I won't have a good reason for it). 

reading...I finished The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton, which I've been reading pretty much the whole month of March. I finished it with the same feeling I had when I read The Forgotten Garden by Morton. I didn't dislike it, but I wasn't really sure that I'd count it among my favorite books. I don't know if it's a product of the author's English literature vein of writing, but I have a hard time truly liking her main female characters so then I find I'm not very attached to them. I can't figure out what kept me from really liking this though because looking back, I liked all of the author's plot decisions.

 
watching...After the Downtown Abbey season ended, I left my DVR recording of PBS's Masterpiece Classic on and accidentally recorded Mr. Selfridge with Jeremy Piven. I watched Part 1 the other day and liked it overall. It's another good period show with fun costumes and set design. My only complaint is the weird smile that Jeremy breaks into anytime his character is uncomfortable (at least six or seven times in Part 1). It rather makes him look like a mangy werewolf.
 

listening...to all those old wives tales on how to bring about labor. Sadly, doubting that any of them are effective. Eating the hell out of spicy foods just in case.

finishing...trying to fit in all of those last minute things (eye doctor, dentist, buying birthday presents) that are easier to do now while bringing the baby along is still somewhat simple and contained. Still need to get that car seat installed though (or we may be tossing it in the car on the way to the hospital for Nathan to tackle in the parking lot).

sewing...I bought fabric to make this dress in two sizes as a baby gift for a friend at work. She's having a second daughter, so I'm making matching dresses for both girls. Unfortunately, that fabric has sat next to my sewing machine for more than a month as my time sans baby has dwindled down to single digits (slight exaggeration, as single digits starts day after tomorrow). Maybe working on them this weekend will help me keep my mind off the beached whale feeling I am now living with constantly.

cooking…One of my new favorites to make with dinner is cauliflower puree. It basically ends up tasting like mock mashed potatoes, but is healthier so you don't feel as guilty for the pat of butter that goes in. Here's how to do it: take a head of cauliflower and separate it into florets. Steam florets until their color becomes slightly more translucent (about 6-8 minutes, depending on size of florets). Throw drained florets into a blender and blend with a tablespoon of butter and a little milk. Salt and pepper to taste. It will be a little less thick than mashed potatoes.

"I Don't Understand Why A Muscle Contraction is so Painful"

or Just One of the Entertaining Things My Husband Said During Birthing Class

Nathan and I had our 2-day parenting class this weekend. Though we did learn some useful things, they could easily have fit in a two or three hour class rather than the 12 hours we spent in a basement at the hospital. It was just short of torture because the weather this weekend was positively gorgeous.

To add salt to the wound, on Saturday, the second our car pulled into the garage, it began to rain. Nathan did some general yard work anyway. I stood on the covered porch and watched most of it.

One of the obnoxious openers to the class was that we had to say one interesting thing about ourselves as an icebreaker. Nathan told the class that he planned to bike up to the hospital for my delivery (jury's still out on that one), and that he was packing his clubs in the back of the car so that in case the delivery was a long one, he could head out the back door of the hospital onto the course for a quick round of golf (straight up no on that one). I pointed out that he was clearly in need of the parenting class.

Needless to say, we were probably the most entertaining couple in the class. (And likely also the most disruptive...) Many of the videos and pictures we were shown of couple interactions during labor and what to say and when to say it were so effusive and over the top touchy-feely that we did some quiet giggling and eye rolling picturing Nathan trying to do that in the midst of my labor.

We were chosen to demonstrate a position on the birthing ball to the class that required me to be sprawled across it with my behind to the sky while he molded my hips for what felt like an eternity. I suppose that may have been payback for the giggling.

I did come away from the class feeling confident that I can make it through most, if not all, of the birth naturally, which is what I had been leaning toward initially...(I cry when the dentist gives me gas, I can only imagine what a semi-paralyzed lower half will do to me emotionally!), and feeling very confident that Nathan will be supportive and keep me laughing in the delivery room (that is, if he makes it on his bike in time).

Confessions of a Craft Addict

UPDATE BELOW

So yes, Eleanor may be born any day now, but I still may have just signed up for this:

Every month's box comes with instructions for an actual project that uses the craft supplies in the box, but you can always go off book and make something completely different with your supplies. Whimseybox's blog is full of DIY Craft Projects that people have shared. Love this idea!
 
How could I turn down the opportunity to not only get mail, but mail that would be a random collection of fun craft supplies?

PLUS, I got $5 off! You can too, even if you only sign on for a single month.
 _______________________________________________________________

I have received two out of my three boxes for my 3-month subscription (April's just never came), and I feel compelled to mention that I'm relatively unimpressed. In theory it's a really cute idea, but in practice it does not feel worth the money. The supplies are minimal, the projects are dated (lip balm and a ceramic planter, both popular on the craft blogs and Pinterest ages ago), and the service is unreliable (though the customer service after is polite and does fix things). Also, make sure to note that even if you sign up for a limited subscription, it will automatically renew at the end and charge your card. (Why have a subscription period option then? I don't understand the automatic renewal.)

Conversation #18

Me:(Always tearfully these days): Nathan, I need you to say that I'm beautiful even though I have elephant cankles...
Him: You are.
Me:...and that you love me very much even though my face is fat.
Him: But no, it's not very.
Me: (Pause. Less tearfully.) Close, but that's not exactly what I was hoping for.
Him: Sorry, I think you're beautiful, and I love you very much. I hope you don't have to do this much longer.
Me: Me too.

Spring Showers

My family threw us a baby shower last weekend, and it was marvelous! Not only did I have all of my family around me for a long weekend, but friends came from quite a distance away to help celebrate Eleanor's imminent arrival. We had a book theme, which contributed to us receiving a whole shelf of fun books (with surprisingly no duplicates!), but we also received many other wonderful gifts.

I made a few book illustration garlands, one appetizer, and the shower favors, but other than that my mom and sisters did everything. Nathan and my dad even found time to build some gorgeous bookshelves around the top of the baby's room and the sunroom before the shower.

I am a lucky gal.

Some of the guests busily decorating onesies.

Finished onesies

A few of the decorations.

Some of the gifts we received...

Nathan and Maybe testing out the baby carrier.

The spread of goodies...

The farthest traveling friends
(though my sister-in-law, sisters, and
cousin win for longest distance overall).

Together

"Together. That's how we'll keep doing everything else."

Sometimes those NPR Story Corp clips just really get to me.

Love this one.

Baby Temptation

Look at all the cute baby things I've found to be tempted by on Etsy!

Mini Skyscraper Block Set, $28, CharmFresh
Sloth Baby Cap, $12, squarepaisleydesign
Crochet 2 Strap MaryJane Booties, $18, HeathersHobbies
Beige Baby Vest, $25, ALTASKNITSHOP
Wooden Teething Rings, $5.50, UrbanHomesteaders
Vintage Sterling Silver Baby Rattle, $68, SweetSweetVintage
50's Midnight Blue Romper, $50, BabyTweeds

Conversation #17

Me: Nathan? Nathan? Nathan! I need you to come here.
Him: What?
Me (tearfully): Promise me you will never divorce me.
Him: What? What show are you watching?
Me: It was a commercial on father's custody rights.
Him: You. Are. Ridiculous.
Me: I fully know this, but promise me anyway. I need you to say it. Say it!
Him: I promise, you weirdo.

Pregnancy hormones: Making the weird woman ever weirder.

Thai Curry Stew

For having no concrete plans this weekend, we kept very busy. The weekend included a number of projects, including a trip to Lowe's for some wood (and a freeze out on the way home as we transported it all in our tiny Kia). We did a little cleaning, some painting, and Nathan even built a mini carpentry shop in our hallway. (As if my nighttime trips to the bathroom aren't already perilous enough, now I must skirt the sawhorses and jutting ends of 12 foot boards on my way to the loo.)

Nonetheless, we still made time for eating some tasty dishes. On Saturday Nathan and I created the following recipe, which is based on one from Bon Appetit called Kerala-Style Beef Stew. Unfortunately, that one was just odd, and apparently we aren't really all that enthusiastic about beef stew. However, we liked the broth, so we started with that and added in some matching vegetables.

Thai Curry Stew

4-6 skinned, de-boned chicken thighs
5 cloves garlic, minced
3 Serrano chilies, seeded & chopped
1 quarter inch knob ginger, minced
1 t. tumeric
1 t. black pepper
1 onion, diced
4-6 cups chicken stock
2 chayote squash, peeled, seeded, and cubed
2 c. peapods, sliced
2. c. carrots, julienned
1 can coconut milk

In a large pan, brown the chicken thighs in olive oil. When both sides are browned, remove from pan and set aside. Add a bit more olive oil, the garlic, chilies, and ginger and cook for one minute or so until fragrant but not too brown. Add tumeric and black pepper and cook another minute or two. Add onion. When onion is translucent, add chicken stock and cubed chicken thighs (insides of the chicken will still be somewhat raw). Bring to boil.

When stock boils, turn it down to a simmer and add chayote. Cook 10-15 minutes, add peapods and cook 3 minutes. Add carrots and coconut milk at end, cook 2-3 minutes until carrots are just cooked. Serve.

Don't let the chayote intimidate you, it's much easier to work with then most squash (doesn't seem to get mushy as easily), and the taste is a really great addition as it tastes less starchy than a potato. 

Just a Minute: February 2013

So behind! I completely forgot about this last month, so I'll do it a bit late.

reading…My book club book for February was When We Were Strangers, a story of a talented seamstress emigrating to the US in the late 1800's. I thought it was a good read, if a bit of a downer at times.  My mother-in-law chose it because she is a fan of historical fiction and it was about Italy and sewing. Those topics did make up the background of the novel, but not quite as much as she and I would have liked.  

watching...I recently saw Assassin in Love, which was a funny little English movie, starring Damian Lewis, the lead in Homeland. It's full of lovely English accents and odd Welsh ones, and is a quirky story of a hit-man who has second thoughts about his career only to run away to a small town and take up baking.

listening...to The Postal Service. Perhaps it's been on my radar in part because it's their 10 year anniversary, but more just because I never get tired of every song on Give Up.

crafting...I've been making all sorts of decorations in preparation for my baby shower. My sisters are throwing it, but we all get to participate in planning which is fun. It's a book theme, so my decorations use old books. As the child of a librarian, I thought I'd feel more guilt cutting up old books, but I have to admit it's been awfully easy.

sewing...I made a felt letter banner for the baby's room with her name. I don't think I've mentioned it yet here, but I guess it's obviously not a secret as I posted this picture on Instagram already. Both her first and middle name are family names-I love the idea of being linked to your history through your name. I've always treasured my middle name for that reason.

baking…I didn't really do anything extensive in February because I was living the single life for half of the month. Nathan was in California and Arizona for a family trip, so I did a lot of eating whatever I felt like eating. I made Macaroni and Cheese one night using this recipe, and it was pretty tasty, but other than that, I didn't tackle much.

I Did Not Think Postal Service Could Get Better

But it can and it did...

The Postal Service Auditions from Ben Gibbard

And yes, "the accordion guy" did rock.