O Frabjous Day

Motherhood Notes:

I just sincerely prayed to St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost things, for his help in returning the bacon puzzle piece that has been missing from the playroom for the last week...This was a last resort after fruitlessly looking on eBay to purchase a "Melissa and Doug bacon puzzle piece." Spoiler: no matches.

Update: DUDES, it totally worked. It better than worked! Day of the prayer not only did the bacon puzzle piece show up in Eleanor's room (which was the only room in the house I would have bet money on for it NOT to be in), but something I had long declared gone forever appeared after almost 2 months! I hadn't even asked for that one because I had so thoroughly given up on it!!! I told Nathan that I believe. I BELIEVE. I am converting to Catholicism. Or at least naming my next child Saint Anthony. Sorry kid, Mommy owed him one.

I was entirely too optimistic when I went to bed at 11 last night...I've been up since 5 AM because Eleanor doesn't understand the time change. We read Little Blue Truck (currently, according to my toddler, every animal moos) and the Babylit Jabberwocky twice. I always read Jabberwocky with a Scottish accent. I discovered this morning that my Scottish accent is much more authentic when I'm half asleep.

I currently have 3 pairs of shoes that need repair in my car trunk that have been riding around with me since last fall...The shoe repair place is less than a mile from my office.

I just discovered dried egg on my silk shirt that is suspiciously in the shape of a toddler face print...I've already had two meetings this morning.

Nathan has a surprise coming when he drops off this week's dry cleaning. I wonder how much they'll charge for the coat part of Eleanor's chicken costume?

I'm Soooo Literate, Guys.

Funny Gatsby comics via The Bloggess. (Also, the f-word makes things even more funny. Unless my daughter reads this one day...in which case, the f-word is not classy, Eleanor; don't say it.)

More good ones from Hark, a Vagrant here.

Cross Another One Off the Life List

Got a little busy last year and lost a lot of my blogging inspiration. Just realized today that I never posted evidence of one of my Life List accomplishments: To make my children their first Halloween costume.

Though I only have one child currently, I am justified in crossing this one off the Life List because I'm pretty sure any subsequent children will wear the same costume for their first Halloween because it took forever to make and because it's pretty original. I made it all myself without a pattern. Even her little sweatpants were made using a second hoodie as they did not have any baby sweats in the right color.

Our first family Halloween costume theme: Chicago Hot Dog

Nathan went as our favorite hot dog restaurant worker (Wolfy's), while I went as your typical Chicagoan Hot Dog Eater, and Eleanor was a Grade A, one of a kind, 100% all Vienna Beef Chicago Hot Dog with all the fixings (poppy seed bun, yellow mustard, onions, pickle relish, sport peppers, and a tomato wedge). I even sprinkled her with celery salt for total authenticity.

Conversation #17

Me: Nathan? Nathan? Nathan! I need you to come here.
Him: What?
Me (tearfully): Promise me you will never divorce me.
Him: What? What show are you watching?
Me: It was a commercial on father's custody rights.
Him: You. Are. Ridiculous.
Me: I fully know this, but promise me anyway. I need you to say it. Say it!
Him: I promise, you weirdo.

Pregnancy hormones: Making the weird woman ever weirder.

I Did Not Think Postal Service Could Get Better

But it can and it did...

The Postal Service Auditions from Ben Gibbard

And yes, "the accordion guy" did rock.

Conversation #16

Me: What's so funny?

Him: I'm listening to the radio. They're talking about a study on NPR that was done on raising kids. They say that taking care of kids ranks even with vacuuming in terms of enjoyment.

Me: Uh oh, I've never been a big fan of vacuuming.

Conversation #15

Me: (sewing on the couch) Ow, ow, ow. I just stabbed myself in the baby with a pin.
Him: (reading the paper) Hmm. So what kind of mattress do we have for the crib? This article says some are dangerous.
Me: I don't know. Go look.

Him: Ours is a Colgate, so it doesn't have any tris.
Me: Is that good?
Him: Yes, it says they can cause cancer.
Me: Oh yikes. Aww, you're such a good daddy, making sure our baby is safe.
Him: And you're stabbing her with pins...

Have You Seen This?

I can't get over how clever the marketing group at Sears is. This commercial is the funniest one I've seen on TV in awhile. Those darn American Eagle kids just got what they deserved. Though I've now seen it more than a handful of times, it still makes me laugh every time. Also, though we DVR most of our shows, I will actually stop fast forwarding through the commercials to watch this one.

Being Nerdy is Fun

I don't really understand the point of the neon yellow waders, but I really like their dance moves...especially that whole body kick. I'm definitely incorporating that into my next dance opportunity.

Also, this right here is exactly why I loved going to my small private college. Because those are the types of places where this sort of weird but fun activity draws a wide variety of people and encourages them to all let loose without worrying about what it looks like to others. Everyone needs incredible silliness as a college memory.

Martha, No. Just No.

It's usually a good idea to go to Martha for upcoming holiday inspiration. However, sometimes those craft gurus at Martha Stewart Living seem so intent on cranking out the projects that you wonder if there's ever a project they deem unfit for the web. Here are a few they've suggested for Mother's Day that I sincerely question.

The perfect gift if mom is working on a rag rug or if she is a Rastafarian
(but seriously, how crazy/cool would this look on someone wearing dreads? )

There is no mistaking this as a stylish fashion necklace.
It is clearly a woman wearing giant bouncy balls and pantyhose around her neck.
Fashion, Martha owes you an apology.

Severed baby limbs? You're welcome, Mom.

You won't find these in a mall, but you might find them hanging from your nearest lamp.
You should not, however, find them hanging from your mother's ears because that's just wrong.

What?! I am sure as hell not wearing a button around that says this
no matter what day of the year it is.
Why, Martha? Why?

Hello, Kitty

This just made my morning. Stick around to the very end (after the music ends). The last few seconds really get me.

stereo skifcha from xgabberx on Vimeo via Dooce

Odds and Ends

Leap years are the only years where Christmas and New Year's do not fall on the same day of the week, which is why this year our New Year's Eve falls on a Tuesday. And I'm pretty sure I don't get that day off. Some other interesting items of note about Leap Day on this list.

Favorite Comment EVER on YouTube (Concerning a Song Collaboration Between Lykke Li and Bon Iver): 

I just came across lino artist, Kevin O'Rourke, who is the March featured artist at Inkling here in Chicago. Love his work. I wonder if any of his stuff features any notable Edgewater landmarks? I wonder what those even are...? I guess the Edgewater Beach Hotel would be one at least.

George Takei has a blog, and it is really interesting. He is also a rather entertaining Facebook updater.
Example:

This month marked the 70th anniversary that Japanese Americans were required to first enter internment camps after the bombing of Pearl Harbor. George Takei talks about growing up in an internment camp on his blog and on NPR's Here and Now.


T-Rex Trying is one of those creative, clever, and funny ideas that I wish I had thought of myself. 

My Funny Valentine

I came across these vintage valentines at an antique shop recently. I couldn't resist sharing...

A valentine from your stalker.

 The writing says 

"Don't try to get away from me-

That would be all wrong, 

'Cause where you least expect it, 

You'll find that I'm along!"

An extremely cautious valentine.

"Valentine's Greetings To Someone I Like"
That valentine greeting for when you're not quite ready to commit fully to the whole love thing.

This is one of the oddest poems for a valentine. I had a moment of relief that
Nathan did not encounter it first, or I'm sure I would find it in my valentine envelope this year.
"As much as college 'profs' love books/As much as icemen love the cooks/
As much as some folks love home brew/That's half the love I have for you!"

Of course this was my favorite!
"Blondes may be favorite but oh you red!"

When Projects Go Wrong

I finished nearly all of my project's for my sister's upcoming wedding, and I realized this past weekend that I was bored. No longer could I tootle through my weekend content with a bike ride to the grocery store and some weeding. I needed a higher purpose. Okay, I suppose crafting is no where near a higher purpose, but reading a book on the porch wasn't cutting it for a whole day.

I turned to my trusty "to do" list, where I had written "Make bag" nearly a year ago when I had bought the pattern for said bag. I read through the instructions a few times, made sure I had all the materials I needed (and the list was wide-ranging and boded well what was to come. Snaps, large dowels, felt lining, buttons, d-rings...endless, right?)

Stay with me here, this may seem off topic, but we'll circle back to a point. I know that the 4-H materials natter on about how it teaches kids about responsibility, science, and loads of other malarky about "positive youth development," but besides requiring me to lie and cheat, (I'm sorry, no kid has that much project time with their parents that they can manage to complete not only their Fair project, but 6-7 other ridiculous projects that NO ONE WILL EVER SEE. You show me a kid in 4-H whose parent did 87% of the Fair project, and more than likely, I can show you a kid who got a Grand Champion ribbon. I did my own Fair projects I am proud to say, but I will admit to fabricating the completion of a diagram of all of the outfits in my closet and how they all fit together. Yeah, that is a real thing.) 4-H taught me one thing that has benefited me time and again. How to hold it together the fifth time you have to seam rip the same f'ing seam.

Don't get me wrong. Curse words were said. But, nothing was thrown, and I was able to refrain from ripping the fabric in half Incredible Hulk style. I count that a major victory, especially at midnight on Sunday when I discovered that due to poor pattern instructions I had sewn a section that wasn't supposed to be sewn causing my bag to be accessible through a mere inch opening when the dowels were in place.

Yeah, see that little 4-inch side seam in the picture on the left? That's not supposed to be sewn, making it so you can actually open the bag.

So thanks, 4-H. When I turned my bag right side out and realized I couldn't fit a damn thing in my overnight bag unless I was only planning to pack some important files and my iPad, you gave me the ability to whisper that f-bomb, fold the bag, place it gently on the sewing table, and head to bed.

Yet Another Joke I Had to Explain to My Husband

Recent Conversation #7

Him: Why is someone writing on our bananas?
Me: Huh?
Him: It says someone's name.
Me: What? What does it say?
Him: It says "Hammock."
Me: Oh, babe. That's not a name.
Him: Well then what does it mean?
Me: What is it written on? What does it say? Put the two words together.
Him: Banana hammock?
Me: Really? You still don't get it?
Him: What the hell is that?

Recent Conversation #6

Me: Hi, I'm in the grocery store, and I'm confused.
Him: Okay. What?
Me: Explain some things on this grocery list...(blah, blah, non humorous grocery-related blah). Okay, I'll get those things for you. Also, are the mini-energy bars on this list because you'd had to resort to eating them for breakfast, and you're running out since I'm a bad wife, and haven't made you your biscotti yet?
Him: Um, yes to everything except the last part.
Me: Aww...Wait, you mean the "bad wife" part, right?
Him: (Laughs.)